Global Markets: What's Happening and Why You Should Probably Panic

Okay, so now the "experts" are coming for our sausages and fizzy drinks? Give me a break. Ultra-processed food is a "global health threat," they say. Like we didn't already have enough to worry about.

The Usual Suspects

According to these Lancet-wielding worrywarts, we're all doomed because we're ditching "fresh, whole foods" for "cheap, highly-processed meals." Obesity, depression, premature death – you name it, UPFs are apparently to blame. They want warning labels and higher taxes, the usual nanny-state nonsense.

It's always the same song and dance, isn't it? First, it was fat. Then sugar. Now, anything with more than five ingredients you can't pronounce is the devil. What's next, air?

They're saying these foods are linked to a greater risk of 12 health conditions. But "linked" ain't the same as "cause," people.

Some other scientists are saying that this review can not prove that UPFs directly cause health harms and more research and trials are needed to show that.

The Corporate Conspiracy (Maybe?)

Apparently, evil corporations are "reshaping diets worldwide" to rake in profits. They're pushing UPFs with "extensive marketing and political lobbying." I mean, yeah, corporations are greedy. That's kinda their thing. But are they really to blame for my midnight ice cream cravings? I think not.

This Carlos Monteiro guy from the University of Sao Paulo, who came up with the food classification system, says these corporations are stopping "effective public health policies to support healthy eating." Effective for who? Their wallets, probably.

Is this just another case of blaming "the man" for our own bad choices? Maybe... but maybe there is something to it. I don't know.

The AI Bubble Parallel

Speaking of bubbles, did you see that Nvidia's earnings are supposed to drop any minute? Are we in an AI bubble? Jeff Bezos thinks so. Sam Altman kinda thinks so, too. And if they're worried, maybe we should be.

It's all connected, see? We're shoveling cash into AI like it's the second coming, but where's the payoff? All those data centers, the large language models, the electricity they guzzle... it's costing a fortune. Goldman Sachs thinks AI capital expenditure will hit $390 billion this year and increase by another 19% in 2026.

Kinda like how we're shoveling UPFs into our faces, hoping for a quick fix of happiness... but all we get is a sugar crash and a side of guilt.

And these AI companies are all cozy with each other as customers and investors, right? Like OpenAI, Nvidia, Oracle, Microsoft... billions flying around in equity stakes and revenue sharing. It's an "increasingly circular" mess, according to some Morgan Stanley note.

But the revenues ain't matching the spending. OpenAI might have lost $12 billion in the third quarter of 2025 alone, according to Microsoft. And they're valued at $500 billion?! Something's gotta give.

Is the UPF industry the same? Are they just selling us a dream of convenience and taste, while quietly raking in profits and leaving us with the health consequences? I ain't saying it's a conspiracy, but...

The "Great Rebalancing"

Lisa Shalett over at Morgan Stanley Wealth Management thinks the American dominance in the global economy is gonna unwind. She calls it a "great rebalancing." All that cheap money, deficit spending, and globalization that fueled our stock market boom? It's fading, she says.

And if the AI bubble bursts, or the UPF bubble gives us all heart attacks, it could trigger a much broader stock market reckoning. Suddenly, everyone will want to know who's swimming naked, as she puts it.

Maybe the real threat ain't just UPFs or AI... maybe it's the whole damn system.

So, Who's Really Got the Problem?

Look, I'm not saying we should all start foraging for berries and grinding our own flour. But maybe, just maybe, we should stop blindly trusting the "experts" and start thinking for ourselves. Are we really victims of a corporate plot, or just a bunch of lazy slobs who can't resist a bag of chips? I don't know. But I'm starting to think the problem ain't the food... it's us.